Tina's Secret Admirer
by eloisebelcher
Summary: Tina has a secret admirer, Gene and Louise help her find out who it is. Jimmy junior doesn't like another guy moving in on his girl. Meanwhile, Bob, Linda and Teddy are trying to copyright a burger of the day idea.
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful Tuesday morning in the Belcher household. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, but there was a strange smell in the kitchen. Linda was cooking a suspicious looking meal. She looked at her family and excitedly asked, "Alright, who want's breakfast pizza?"

"Ew, gross," responded her youngest daughter, Louise, "What is that?"

"What? It's Gene's idea, tastes great."

Linda placed slices in front or her family. She sat down in her chair with a slightly larger serving. She and Gene began eating, while the rest of the family looked at their meals with concern.

"It smells awful Linda" said Bob, "Like burnt hair or something."

"Yeah, well me and Gene put a lot of effort into making this for you guys" Linda whines, before becoming more aggressive, "So you HAVE to eat it"

"If this kills me, I'm haunting both of your asses." Louise said, then pinched her nose, and had a bite.

"I'd love you to haunt me Louise," Gene answered "ghost sister would get a lot of hits on youtube."

"I really don't wanna eat this." Bob muttered.

Linda growled, "You're going to eat it and you're going to enjoy it."

"I guess I can try it for you Lin."

"Aw, thanks Bobby, you big romantic."

"Breakfast pizza is copyrighted Dad," Gene interjected, "So don't go serving it at the restaurant."

"It's a burger place, we don't do pizza. Also breakfast pizza doesn't sound like it would taste good, why would I want to sell something gross at my restaurant?"

"Is a pizza base made of high fiber cereal and oats awful, Dad? Is pizza sauce made of baked beans and maple syrup awful to you, Dad? Is your topping choice of bacon, eggs, waffles, toast, or a mixture of all of them awful? DAD?"

"Honestly, yes."

"Try it Dad," said Tina, "it's like a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster of breakfast flavors. It even makes you wanna vomit like rollercoasters do."

"Oh God"

"Well I love it." Linda announced.

"You would." Louise responded.

"Yeah, well hurry up and eat it or you'll be late for school."

"Pack me another slice for the trip." Gene demanded Linda, "No! I want you to pack three more slices!"

"This is actually kind of good." Bod admitted. "I'm not too sure about the base though."

"Yeah, I think next time we make it we should make the base out of Lucky Charms," Gene responded, "that way we can have a delicious breakfast and be lucky all day."

The kids placed their dishes in the sink with a clank, and walk to their rooms to get their school bags.

"I still want to know how you copyrighted something" Bob yell out to Gene, "I want to do that with some of my burger of the day ideas. Like today, the 'Holy mole' burger with guacamole, and nacho chips on the side.

"What if you call it, Time to Guac and Mole?" Linda suggested.

"It's alright but I like mine better."

The kids retured to the kitchen with their backpacks in tow. They definitely weren't excited for another boring day at school.

"I got my albino friend Ken to do it." Gene finally answered Bob.

"Kens not real."

"YES HE IS!"

"Hey Gene, do you think this would taste better with a pizza sized pancake as the base instead of this cereal mush?" Said Tina.

"That's a great idea, I'll call Ken."

"KEN'S NOT REAL!" Bob yelled.

"YES HE IS" Gene yelled back.


	2. Chapter 2

Gene and Louise waited for Tina at her locker. School was about to start and she was getting her books. In amongst her things she found a small pink envelope with hearts draw on it.

"What's this?" Tina asked her self.

"Its an envelope and it smells like…" Gene sniffs the envelope, "Dad's deodorant. Yuck."

"Did you steal Dad's mail?" Louise asked, "Cause that's a federal offence missy. I learned that the hard way."

"What's the hard way?" Gene curiously questioned.

"I asked Mike the mail man for Mr. Fronds mail and he wouldn't give it to me because it's a federal offence."

"How is that the hard way?"

"It's not Dad's mail," Tina announced, "It's a love letter."

"How do you know that?" Gene asked.

"Because it's pink and has hearts drawn on it."

"Sounds gross." Louise moaned.

"It says 'Dear Tina, Roses are red, violets are blue, I think I like-like you. I wonder who it's from, Maybe Jimmy Junior?"

Louise and Gene began walking away, "I don't know" said Gene.

"I don't care." Said Louise.

Jimmy Junior walked by Tina to his locker. She looked at him, wondering if he was capable of writing her a love note. She shook her head. 'Jimmy only communicates feeling through dance' she thought to herself. As much as Tina wanted the letter to be from Jimmy Junior, she knew it wasn't.

He looked over at her with his puppy dog eyes. They looked so full of love. Maybe it was from Jimmy. She would never know unless she told him.

"What are you looking at me for Tina?" Jimmy Junior asked.

"Oh, I just wanted to say thank you for this letter you put in my locker."

"I didn't do that."

"Oh, it's just because it's a love letter so I thought it must have been you."

"Someone sent you a love letter? Who was it? Was it Lenny?"

"I don't know, if it wasn't you, I have no idea."

"Well Tina, they're probably ugly, why else would they not write their name on it?"

"I guess you're right."

"So it doesn't matter then, you can throw it in the bin."

The bell rings. Jimmy walked to his first class, Tina watched his butt wiggle as he walks. That was the thing she liked best about Jimmy Junior. Tina questioned herself, 'is what I have with Jimmy superficial? Do I only like him for his butt. Maybe this is the real thing.' Tina held the letter to her lips.

She whispered, "I need to know who you are."


	3. Chapter 3

At the restaurant, Bob used the computer at the counter. Teddy waited patiently for his burger, but he wondered what Bob was doing. He was usually out the back flipping burgers. This was new.

"What are you doing Bob?"

"I'm trying to figure out how to get a copyright on one of my burger of the day ideas. That way none else can make that burger and everyone will have to come here if they want it."

"Oh wow Bob, that's exciting. Which burger are you doing?

"The one Linda is making now. The Holy Mole Burger."

"So I get to be the first customer to try it? And if it's copyrighted then maybe I'll be the first person in the world. That's a lot of pressure you're putting me under Bob. A lot of pressure. What if, what if I don't like it?"

"Why wouldn't you like it?"

"Well, Guacamole and a burger, that's a strange combination, Bob. Very strange. I mean, not so strange that I don't want to try it. But strange enough that I'm skeptical Bob. Very skeptical."

"Well you'll have to try it then Teddy and tell me if you like it. I don't want to bother getting a copyright if it's not good."

"Wait Bobby, what are you saying? You haven't tried it? Why would you feed me a burger you haven't even tried? Are you trying to kill me Bob?"

"I'm not trying to kill you Teddy. I'm a chef; I know what flavors are good together without tasting. That's my job."

"Okay Bob."

Linda came out from the back of the restaurant holding a plate. The beautiful smell of Latin American flavours wafted towards Teddy and Bob. The burger looked as beautiful as it smelt. The nacho chips on the side rather than fries was very disappointing to Teddy.

"Here you go Teddy," said Linda, "Is your mouth ready to Guac and Mole?"

Teddy Laughs, "That's a good one Linda."

"Really Teddy? Bobby didn't like it."

"I never said I didn't like it, I just said I liked Holy Mole better."

"More like unholy guacamole." Linda Joked.

Teddy took a bite of the burger. It tasted as good as it looked. The creamy guacamole perfectly complimented the Mexican seasoning Bob had put it the burger patty. 'The only thing that could make it better' Teddy thought, 'Would be some fries.' But all Teddy had were Nacho chips.

"So how is it?" Bob asked him.

"It's good."

"Alright!" Linda exclaimed.

"I don't know if it's worth copyrighting though."

"What? Why?" Bob responded.

"You've had a lot tastier burgers of the day before that's all I'm saying." Bob answered. "And nacho chips instead of fries? Why would you do that Bob? Why?"

Linda said "I thought it would go with the guacamole."

"Sorry Linda, but the guac is in the burger, how can I dip my chip when the guac is in the burger? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE."

"Calm down Teddy," said Bob, "It's just a burger."

"YOU CALM DOWN."

"It's okay Teddy," Linda reasoned, "We won't use nacho chips instead of fries again. You happy?"

"I guess."


	4. Chapter 4

Tina, Louise and Gene ate lunch together at the cafeteria. Louise and Tina enjoyed their peanut butter sandwiches while Gene relished his delicious breakfast pizza. The smell of it was even worse after sitting in his backpack all morning, but Gene still found it irresistibly tasty.

Jimmy Junior swaggered up to their table, his butt wiggling. Zeke followed closely behind, but he had no behind to wiggle.

"Oh, Hey Jimmy Junior," said Tina, "And Zeke."

"Hi Tina." Jimmy responded.

"Howdy." Zeke's sharp southern voice exclaimed.

Jimmy asked, "Did you find out who sent you that letter yet?"

"No," answered Tina, "I thought you said it didn't matter?"

"Well we're sort of, kind of an item aren't we Tina? I have a RIGHT to be concerned. Some guy is trying to steal you away from me."

"You said it J-Ju!" Zeke agreed.

"I guess you're right Jimmy Junior."

"It just makes me so mad." Jimmy said, swiftly following his words with an angry dance move, that looked sort of like punching the air.

"Well you better get over it Jimmy," said Gene, "We'll probably never know sent it."

"ARRGH!" Jimmy yelled as he performed another aggressive dance move.

"Wow, you look mad." Louise told Jimmy.

"I am."

"You know what you should do? You should make a statement."

"A what?"

"A statement. Make sure no one else tries to get with your girl."

"Yeah, but how Louise?"

"You should make her breakfast pizza." Gene responded.

"No he shouldn't." Louise said with annoyance.

Zeke asked Gene, "What's breakfast pizza?"

"What should I do Louise?" Jimmy asked Louise.

"You should stand up on this table and threaten everyone in school!" Louise told Jimmy. "Including teachers!"

"It's a fibrous cereal and oats pizza base," Gene answered Zeke, "with a baked bean and maple syrup sauce with your choice of toppings."

"Really?" Said Jimmy.

"Of course." Said Louise. "I'll even tell you what to say."

"What toppings you got on that one?" Zeke questioned Gene.

"Bacon, sausage, and scrambled egg."

Jimmy Junior got up on the table and yelled, "Everybody shut up." The entire cafeteria looked at him, including the lunch ladies. Jimmy Junior felt suddenly nervous. 'Why can I dance in front of the school but this is so hard?' he asked himself. Jimmy whispered to Louise, "Now what?"

"Say I love Tina"

Jimmy yelled again, "I like Tina, like a friend but like kinda more."

"Now say you'll bathe in the blood of anyone that tries to take her from you." Louise whispered to him.

"I'm not saying that."

"If you want to make an impression and keep your girl, you've got to." Louise gently reminded him.

"I will bathe in the blood of anyone who tries to take her from me." He yelled.

"Now say…" Louise then whispered to Jimmy in coherently.

Jimmy picked up Tina's love note and presented it to the school. "Today Tina got this. Until I find out who sent Tina this love letter, I will give everyone in this school Chinese burns from hell, and the purplest nurple you could think of… Starting with Mr. Frond!"

"Yes!" Louise laughed.

"Now what?" Asked Jimmy Junior.

"Now you go give Mr. Frond a Chinese burn and a purple nurple, duh."

Zeke looked at Gene's breakfast pizza, "Do you reckon I could try a slice of that?" He asked.

"No Zeke," Jimmy said, "we're going to go beat up Mr. Frond, he gave Tina the letter."

"Uh, Okay then J-Ju."

Jimmy ran out of the cafeteria with Zeke following close behind. Zeke turned and wave as he passed through the cafeteria doors.

"WHAT?" Tina exclaimed.

"What?" Gene and Louise responded in unison.

"It's another love note, how did it get here?" Said Tina, "They must have put it here while Jimmy Junior distracted everyone. I wonder what it says?"

"I think I speak for both Gene and I when I say, Not Interested."

"It says 'Tina Tina Tina, You're cuter then a Lemur, And also a hyena, Tina don't be mean-a, be my prima ballerina… There isn't another school dance for like 6 months, but will you go with me? Hug hug hug, cause I don't wanna send letter kisses until you're ready."

"Actually, that sounds good," Said Gene, "Put some conga music to it, you've got a hit, Tina, Tina Tina! Cuter than a Lem-AH!"

"I need to see if Jimmy Jr has succeeded in making Fronds nurples purple. See you at work."

"But we usually walk home together." Tina stated.

"I got a feeling Frond's gonna slap me in detention with Jimmy and Zeke for this."


	5. Chapter 5

Linda stood next to the chalkboard at the restaurant, Bob stood on the other side of it. Teddy sat and watched intensely.

"So we've narrowed it down to THREE main contenders." Linda said, with great enthusiasm and theatricality, "Number one, the KE-VIN BACON BURGER."

"With Indian Vindaloo Sauce and Bacon." Bob added.

"Spicy but delicious," Teddy commented, "maybe too spicy."

"Number Two," Linda enthused, "the YOU'VE GOAT TO BE KIDDING ME."

"Comes with goat cheese," Bob said, "It's pretty boring."

"I like it though." Teddy remarked, "It'd be better with bacon. The 'you've goat and bacon to be kidding me'."

"No Teddy." Bob told him.

"And last, but certainly not least, DMANGO UNCHAINED!" The whole neighbor hood could probably have heard her.

Bob added, "Comes with mango, chili and lime chutney."

"That ones so unexpectedly good." Said Teddy, "Definitely my favorite of the weird fancy burgers you make. But, you know, you might loose all you're racist customers. Not that that's a bad thing."

"Yeah! We don't want their kind in here." Said Linda aggressively, "We need to keep the children safe from racists and their horrible, horrible ways."

"So it's decided," Bob announced, "DMANGO UNCHAINED WILL BE OUR FIRST EVER COPYRIGHTED BURGER!"

Linda began to sing, "Dmango Unchained, first burger, that we're going to copyright, yeah."

"I don't think you're supposed to pronounce the d though." Teddy mentioned.

"What like Dmango unchain? That's weird." Responded Linda.

"No, it's like Mango Unchained."

"We should probably watch the movie," said Bob, "before we copyright a burger based on it."

"You haven't seen it?" Teddy questioned, "Why not? It's so good. It won two Oscars."

"Aw, did Leo DiCaprio finally get one? Good for him! He deserves it." Linda asked Teddy.

"Unfortunately not. Why will no one reward his beautiful acting skills?"

"We can't see it when the kids are around," Explained Bob, "it's rated for 15 and overs only."

"Yeah," Linda agreed, "Our Kids are already messed up, we don't wanna mess their heads up more. Heh heh."

"I've got the DVD at home, I could go get it, and we can watch it on that TV" Teddy pointed to the TV in the corner of the room, "it'll be finished by the time the kids get home."

"Yeah, let's do it!" Linda exclaimed.

Bob sighed, "That TV only has a VCR player."

"Oh no."

"I'll get my DVD player too then." Teddy enthused as he ran out of the restaurant, the store bell ringing on the way out.

"So we're actually doing this," Bob said to Linda, "watching a DVD, filling out some forms and we'll have our own copyrighted burger, wow, I haven't had a dream come true in years, this is weird. I like it."

"Alright, Bob got his groove back, yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

Tina sat in math class, her last class of the day and her least favorite. Zeke sat next to her in the back row. Tammy always blamed her farts on Tina in math, so no one else seemed to want to sit next to her.

"So you figured out who gave you them letters yet?" Zeke asked.

Tina sighed, "No, not yet."

"Ok. J Ju just wanted me to ask you if you know who he is yet. You know, so we can wrestle him, like men."

"What if it's from a girl?"

"What? No! Why? Are you into that? … I don't mind."

"Well it's like straight people tell gay people all the time, 'how do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it'?"

"You raise a good point Tina. But I think it's a guy. Most people aren't as comfortable with their sexualities at 13 as you are. What with mainstream media and all."

"Yeah, I guess."

"My uncle Billy Ray didn't tell us he was gay until he was 43. I can't imagine what kinda hell he was in, living a lie. It woulda really hurt him."

"That's really sad Zeke."

"Yeah, but he's happy now, got himself a boyfriend named Duke. They're going to Canada to get married soon. Looking for a surrogate mother so they can have kids. Things are looking up for Billy Ray."

"If you want I'll ask my mum if she can be a surrogate."

"Thanks Tina."

Finally, after a long math lesson, the school bell rang. Tina was relieved to finally be going home. She could ask her mum about the admirer; Linda always knew the right thing to say.

"I better go," Zeke said, "got detention. See ya Tina."

"Bye Zeke." Tina called after him, slowly picking up her books. Suddenly a piece of paper fell out of her things. It was folded into an origami love heart. "Another one? How?"

"You probably gave it to yourself," Tammy's cruel voice called out as she left the classroom, "LOSER."

"It's a picture of a Zombie riding a horse. It says 'I drew this for you cause I heard you like them. I'm sorry it's not good, I'm not good at drawing'."

Tammy ducked her head back into the classroom doorway just to insult Tina again, "No one cares about your stupid pretend secret admirer Tina."

* * *

><p>Gene and Tina stood at the front of school talking. Louise left school shortly after.<p>

"You're not in detention Louise?" Gene asked.

"I went there after class, but Mr. Frond had to go home because his injuries were too severe. So I have detention when he gets back."

"That's good." Said Tina, "You can help me and Gene figure out who this is from while we walk home from school."

"Oh please no," Louise complained, "do we have to?"

"It'll be fun." Gene said, as the trio began walking home, "It'll be like we're investigators. I'll be Sherlock, I can deduct things, probably, Tina can be Watson, she has band aids in her back pack so she's kind of like a doctor, and Louise you can be…"

"Moriarty."

"Okay… Watson what evidence do we have?"

"We have two poems," Tina answered, "and in math I found a picture they drew me."

"I can deduct that the person who sent you these love notes, is artsy." Gene stated.

"Also Zeke said it was a boy."

"So we can deduct all the female suspects."

"Isn't Peter Pescadero good at drawing?" Louise questioned.

Tina replied, "The drawing wasn't of Peter's high quality."

"So Peter is of the list of potential subjects." Gene declared, "Now who at our school can't rhyme, we can take them off the list."

"Lenny DeStefano can't rhyme." Louise noted, "Remember when he tried to rap?"

"It wasn't surprising," Gene asserted, "white people can't rap."

"What about Iggy Azalea?" Tina asked.

"Don't speak of her in my presence." Said Gene.

Tina argued, "But she's kinda good."

"NO TINA, SHE'S NOT! Her existence completely discredits the Australian hip-hop industry. HILLTOP RULES, IGGY DROOLS!"


	7. Chapter 7

Linda, Bob and Teddy watched the small TV screen as the final credits for Django Unchained began. Bob and Linda were completely amazed by it. Teddy was, surprisingly, also amazed, even though he had seem the film upward of ten times. Bob heard a sniffling. He looked over, and there was his over emotional wife, having a severe emotional reaction to the movie.

"Lin, are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I'm just so happy," she sobbed, "he got to be with his wife, and they blew up the bad guy, it was so beautiful."

"It was pretty awesome." Bob said, "I'm so happy our copyrighted burger is going to be a pun based on such a great movie. I can't believe it took us so long to see it."

"Now do you see how it got two Oscars?" Teddy questioned.

"Yeah, but why didn't Leo get one?" Bob responded. "His ability to go from a lovesick puppy in The Great Gatsby to a horrifically evil man in this is incredible."

Linda interjected "Jamie Fox needs one for being a hero and saving the day. I could kiss him."

"Me too." Teddy agreed.

"I'm not going to lie" Bob admitted, "I also want to kiss him."

Bob went to the back of the restaurant and retrieved a chair as the kids arrived home from school. Bob stood on the chair to remove the DVD.

"Hey kids, how was your day?" Linda inquired.

"It was good," Tina replied, "do you wanna be a surrogate mom for Zekes gay uncle"

"Well, if we can guarantee it's smaller than Gene was when he popped out sure." Linda joked.

"You wouldn't be able to drink for 9 months Lin." Bob told her.

"Oh yeah," Linda realized, "maybe not Tina, mummy needs her wine."

"That's okay mum." Tina confirmed.

"Gene, Louise," Bob said, "how about your days?"

"Mines good," Gene answered, "I get to be Sherlock Holmes and figure out who Tinas secret admirer is and it's not Jimmy Junior, Andy, Olly, Peter, Darryl or Lenny."

"I got detention that was fun." Louise announced.

"If you got detention," bob questioned his daughter, "why are you here and not at detention?"

"Mr Fond was injured and won't be able to perform detention duties for another week."

"Wow, Louise, you injured him, you reallystepped up your game."

"I didn't injure him, Dad. I just got Jimmy Junior and Zeke to."

"Aw, my little girls all grown up and manipulating boys." Linda declared "I'm so proud."

Teddy whispered out of Linda's ear shot, "This is why your kids are messed up, don't blame violent movies."

"Do we have a frame I can put this in?" Tina asked as she held up her Zombie horse picture. "It's perfect. I want it on my bedside table."

"I'm sure we've got one lying around somewhere." Linda answered.

"I'm going up stairs to try and copyright the burger Lin." Bob said.

"I'll come with you I need to find my Sherlock pipe to crack this case."

"Yeah, I better be hitting the road too." Teddy stated, "I'll get my DVD player back tomorrow or something."

"You're really going to copyright the Holy Mole` burger?" Louise asked Bob satirically.

"We discussed it with our customer, Teddy, and decided the Dmango Unchained burger was the way to go."

Bob, Gene and Teddy left the restaurant. Teddy held the door open on his way out to allow Jimmy and Zeke in.

"Hey Tina," Jimmy Junior said, "we came here to make sure the secret girl stealer isn't here."

"Yeah and me and J Ju are going to find him." Zeke said.

"He's not here." Tina argued.

"I think he is." Zeke responded. "Let's look for him."

"Yeah, he could be anywhere." Jimmy stated.

Zeke and Jimmy began looking for Tina's admirer, under tables and in the bathroom. Gene re-entered the Restaurant wearing a Sherlock hat and holding a Sherlock pipe.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Zeke questioned.

"I'm Sherlock Holmes, here to crack the case of the secret admirer."

"Will you tell us when you find out who it is?" Jimmy asked Gene.

"Sure."

"That means we can go play xbox at my house Zeke, instead of spending our time looking for the girl stealer."

"Uh, okay."

As Zeke and jimmy walked towards the door, Tina noticed an envelope, taped to Jimmy's back.

"What's that on your back Jimmy Junior?" She asked.

"WHAT? IS IT A BUG? GET IT OFF ME, IT'S GROSS."

"No," Tina reassured him, "it's an envelope."

"What?"

"Tina's admirer knew you'd come here looking for him!" Gene announced. "So he stuck his next letter to your back."

"Even I've got to admit that was a clever move." Louise said.

"Here, have it." Jimmy said as he handed Tina the envelope, "Come on Zeke, we're leaving, he's obviously not here. We can find him tomorrow at school. Xbox is waiting for us."

Zeke and Jimmy Junior hurriedly left the restaurant.

"Four love notes in one day," Tina said proudly while flicking her hair, "I'm killing it."


End file.
